sweet contradictions

“sometimes i wish i could just pause opus.” -nerd, watching opus wash his face with sunlight

how did i get through p90x2 and the first day of brazil butt lift almost makes me puke?!

so far, today has taught me that no matter how bad my first-world-problems may seem, i will always meet someone dealing with struggles much worse than mine. 

empathy.

i would like to openly admit that i opened a tumblr account primarily for (my own) fitspiration.

with that out of the way, this is my first personal post! *trepidation

currently, my dash is comprised of about 75% fitspo, 15% memes, and 10% fashion - which may or may not say a lot about me (i can’t math. is that even 100%?).

what spurned this blog post? quite honestly, much like i do with other things, i have been overanalyzing what i have intended to do with this blog - and finally i realized that i’m not confined by any rules, duh.

but tonight, while preparing my breakfast for tomorrow morning using a recipe straight out of the p90x2 nutrition guide, a train of thought choo-chooed by.

i’m coming up on day 90 of the p90x2 plan (4/18, w00t). i followed the exercise schedule at 98%, missing 2 days of recovery during the week of #mikeymaus, and followed nutrition at 90%. this brings about a huge sense of accomplishment, not because i followed a plan - because i happen to be really good at following something that is laid out so specifically - but because of the physical and emotional changes that are happening and have been happening for the last four years.

“what’s your secret?”

time and time again, more often than i would like, i am asked this question. it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. i think this stems from a combination of the following:

1. not being used to or comfortable with the attention
2. the question-asker projecting their own guilt on me
3. the perception that such an “accomplishment” can be achieved by anything other than a little research, hard work, dedication, and patience

almost every time, i respond with a shy smile and whatever awkward self-deprecating quip i can come up with at the time, because the fact of the matter is, no one wants to hear the truth.

*gasp

*pregnant pause

*crickets

*nerd chewing with his mouth open

occasionally, such truths come to me in the form of epiphanies when i’m in deep thought washing dishes or in the shower wasting hot water. i plan to record them here as i remember them, so, at the very least, if no one else is interested, i can use them as my own bank of fitspo.

because sometimes, hearing the truth in your own voice cuts the deepest.

choo-choo